Fark you for making me fall for you , and fark off because you such a pain in my eyes . LOL .

i was just kidding .......

library to revise w jluvz09 today (:  

SS3 started like so long already ~  FARK LA . i want to go siaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ! im seriously very upset about it ):   how bad i wished i have the money , and i would fly thereeeee . My beloved sungmin reached sg just now at 1435 , and is now performing at singapore indoor stadium . time srsly pass so fast ~ 

OKAY ....... daddy bought a Xperia phone for me . which i dont like it !!! i told him to help me check some models for me , CHECK ONLY . and then he texted me saying those are old models so he bought a Xperia .   HOWWWWWWW SIAAAAAAA i dont like to use Xperia manz . i prefer old models easier to type and use . LOL . SIAN LA ):

Catheism class tomorrow , then work after that til night .  

Anthr ss2 performance tmrw lehhhhhhhhhhhh

Yayness ^^ its friday again . (Y)  skipped training today because didnt brought my pe shirt to schl ;ppp  went late with peiyu joanna xiaoyuan . they had to run 10rounds , so accompanied them run 4rounds hehehehe . waited for deardear to come back , OMGGGG i miss him alot !! though i just saw him just now . gekpoh after training with sandra and co.  Mac for my dinner ^^  YUMMY MAX (Y) !   joked alot with them , i luv being with them seriously though im kinda extra . Homed alone then :)

how i wish dear could really be serious with me one day when he ask ...............................

i dont love him anymore . i just couldnt accept the way it is now . because of her . 

i dont have the rights to, because i aint anyone to him. and she likes him too hur . 

i couldnt let go of the hatred . thats why im being so silly holding on for so long . 

i crushed on his bestfriend . but he seems to be so ignorant. why . 

probably because im your ex , or maybe its because he still loves his ex whom is my friend.

i dont care the reason why i just wanna be with him ...............

i admired another of his friend too. hes caring though arrogant . but i like it.

he may seems not wanting to talk to me when i wanted to. 

but hes always playing around with me on purpose which i dont know why.

i loved his teammate , whom is my ganstead , dear . 

but its impossible for me and him . 

why does everyone i like , love , admire are all related to him . i dont like it ):  

schl as per normal . but seriously i hate schl alot alot alot )':   fuck my life ok .
it would be great if dear's MINE .............................. but no , impossible huh .

had training after schl , sucky though was slacking throughout . but did played for quite long with joanna sandra thy all (:  i enjoyed it . thennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn suping jio me play w her . until my pain fxcking pain lehhh ): can see my blood clots GROSS . after training seveneleven slack w sandra and co.  afterwards jp w falysha nadhirah hazimah . accompanied falysha to get her skirt then home for mee . tired like fuck okz . once i reached home , toh on the floor freaking awesome ok though my bed is better ;p

texted w deardear (((((((((((:  i very happy lehhhhhhhhh hes my bestbestbest deardear in the whole world <3333  

hihihihihi ^-^  

walieeeeew my boyfriends ;ppppppppp cheyyyy

i went schl today even though i was still not feeling well . my stomach is like a washing machine :/   i just need the toilet anytime anywhere . during maths lesson i rushed t toilet t vomit , ite nothing came out -.-  fugz . then i missed out alot of lesson . plus ystd's . so how am i gonna catch up siallllllllll . kind enbei falysha mengkuan & andy teached me some after schl and i managed t understand ^^ thankewwws .  

jp just now t return ladyboss key then xcraft repierce my 3rd (:  hehe . repiercing helix this sunday . pray hard mummy wont catch me !! becuz i rly want helix lehhhhh ;p   nicole promised me that she'll be there this sunday t help me . hahahahhahahahah so fortunate to know her . 

okayyyyyyyyyyyyy i've to continue with my maths now .

Rewatched YHY sketchbook just now (:  seriously , sungmin & eunhyuk so attracting only la hor ?!!!!!  LOL hehehehehehehehehehhe. i luv them <333333  in the picture above, sungmin was singing then eunhyuk went so close to him . so intimate !!! i want also ;ppppppp LOL . they machiam gays liddat , eunhyuk want go kiss sungmin. kept repeating repeating it t watch ;ppp 

walou i dont want school tomorrow lehhhhhhhhhhh . but i have to ):  actually i can choose not to . imma goodgirl so i should go :)  i want go seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ............................ :P hehehehhehe . plus tmrw after schl i wanna go repierce my 3rd !! asked laogong pei me go (:  

NO P.E for me tomorrow (;   because imma sickgirl .  which means i dont have to change into P.E (((:  happieeeeeee . lol . 

i've maths and history homework today . for maths , i dont know how do lehhhhh howhow :/  idw teacher scold me tmrw ):   history teacher nvr give falysha paper so DONT NEED DO. 

out with jluvz09 today . first , met her at je station , headed t woodlands to collect our blogshop stuffs . then back t je library borrowed books . headed to imm next . had lunch @ mac becuz i miss mac alot . i realised the cheeseburger i ate got alot colestrol lehhh ._.  must cut down alr seriously . shopped ard , bought our things . then shuttlebus and train back t jp . walkwalk ard and home at ard 7 . concidence met jiaying again , so we trained to jookoon then back t pioneer . homesweethome (:

idw go schl tmrw lehhhh . mummy can?  i really dont feel like going . it sucks manz. i dont like my class ):  even though im with my bestfriends i just dont like it . though my crush's in my class . idw idw idw mummy puhleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee . 

do you remember 20th of january , when you confessed to me ... im sure you will not remember this day but to me its an unforgettable day .. that time i liked anthr person and really hated you for being so irritating . i was so annoyed by you .... and my friend has liked you for one year. i wanted to help her to have you, because shes been waiting for you.. i tried ways telling you to talk to her, but you just tell me you dont like her.. and slowly i fell in love with you on the 12th february..  i wanted to tell you, but i didnt have the courage. because im afraid you didnt like me anymore. ite i did. on the 7th of march, its the day i confessed to you and you said you still like me then. i was really happy on that day , and you told me you were happy too. you told me you're not ready , and wait til you're ready. i wasnt expecting anything or to be together then ... on the 9th march, just because of my friend telling you that someone already asked me for stead, so you said you were ready . i was ready then , so i accepted you .. just then , i wasnt really deep in love with you . i thought it was just a crush . slowly , i fell deeper and deeper in love with you .

on our first month , i bought a couple ring and engraved it . i gave one to you .. you gave me a cute little pink teddybear with a love saying " i love you " and a lovejar with sixty two hearts inside and a small note saying " iloveyou" .. i didnt know what does sixty two means , or it doesnt even have a meaning .. to me, its important and its my first and beloved present from you .on our first month you didnt send me home you apologised to me . i felt so angry but still i love you so i forgive you . and because of a girl in your class who is close to you, we had some conflicts. you kept apologising to me saying it wont happen anymore. but still we forgaved each other. i will never forget , that every recess we would meet in the library with my clique. and we would hold our hands tightly and talk . those moments is really so sweet , dont you think so.. on our second month, we didnt give each other anything ... i didnt even asked you if you want anything , but you did ask me if i want go to the movies and you would pay .. i didnt want to , because i dont wanna use your money . i dont want to spend a single cent on our relationship . not that i dont love you , i love you dearly .. for our first month i gave it an exception .  you gave me a kiss on my cheek in the lift when you were sending me home . i felt heaven seriously .  as time passes by , i realised you change when you knew one of my close friend . and i know i did changed too . when it was the last day of school of the first semester , i was hanging ard with my clique .. you didnt text me after schl and went off with your friends . i didnt mind anything ,when i texted you , you gave me the cold shoulders and i rly wanted to attitude to you .but my friend's boyfriend told me not to . instead he help me typed in the msg " baby i love you " . i was hesitating to press send , but ite i still did .

afterwards , we left schl .. then you sent me a long message saying that i changed and you didnt knew what to do . just then , i broke down immediately .... my friends were all shocked and asked me to chill down . when i was walking to jp with my friend and her boyfriend , her boyfriend ask me if i would cry again . i said i wont becuz im in jp . while we were walking ard in jp , you sent me a message to part . on the spot , i teared . my eyes were red and everyone was looking at me . we decided to go safra park and chill ... when we were there , i called enbei and told her we broke up . and i cried again )))))))))):   my friends sent me home to my block just like how you did . i went home , and cried for hours . i couldnt stop . then , my lover appeared and talked to me . she told me that you told her that i didnt cared about us . but actually i did .. so i poured everything out to you , leaving offline messages to you on msn . i asked my church friend to text you telling you to go online and see the messages i left . you text me afterwards , apologising to me .  after that day , we had to go schl to collect our report books , so i went with my mum . and i saw you otw there , i was surprised . you were doing something , your friend saw me and you looked up . i looked away because just then i really hated you alot. you texted me after that , saying you wanted to meet me to talk .. but when we were in jp , we walked past each other , you didnt even stopped me to talk . just then i thought we had no more chance . but still we patched back after three days because we knew we still love each other .

just then, we had 11 days more to our third month . you asked me what i want . i told you i want something which you dont have to spend a single cent ... so you cracked your brains just to think . one day before , you told me you would give me a kiss . at that moment, i wasnt ready for it . because i didnt thought of giving my first kiss so soon . so on our third month , we met at my hse staircase and i gave you my first kiss . you told me it was your first kiss too . i was really elated then . during the june holidays , we met numerous times to kiss because we were really into it and love each other so much . then you started coming my house ... our kisses are getting longer and longer . i really love it . when schl reopened , we didnt talked in schl when we saw each other which we dont know why . i was really pissed one day , and you said we have to talk . we met on the fourth floor during recess one day .. you hugged me tightly in your hands , apologised to me for not talking to me ....... and i forgave you . you gave in to me time and time , i felt so guilty .

slowly , our fourth month came . i wished you on 12midnight even though i was really tired but still i waited til 12midnight to wish you . when you woke up for schl , you apologised to me for not wishing me on 12 midnight . i was feeling abit upset , but still i didnt mind anything . in schl , i waited for your cca to end when mine ended earlier . you saw me after your cca , but you didnt approach me .. i didnt wanted to approach you because you was so happy with your friends . then my senior saw and called you to come . you came, and ask me what thing . i was really pissed off by what you said and walked off .  then on the 12th of july , i was staying back with my friend to do our hmwk , you couldnt accompany me because you had something on . when we texted , i was really upset . then you said you arent a good boyfriend to me .. you said maybe its better if we break . then two of my guy seniors came , i told them what happen ...  they asked if im okay because i kept laughing for no reasons . i laughed to keep my tears . that night , you said we had to talk . so we did . we talked for 3hours plus , and finally you said i had to let go on the 13th ..

After that day , i go to school everyday telling myself im a strong girl and pretended that nothing happened . i fake a smile to show you im okay . one day while you was having a friendly match , i sat there with my teammates to watch because i wanna watch you play . but i broke down )))): i ran to the toilet . and my friend chased after me . i cried and cried and cried . my friends all comforted me .. i was touched .  that day after you saw my blog post and texted me to asked if im okay, and i cheered up . i texted you everyday because you said if i wanted to chat , i could . slowly , you began coming my house . and we kissed . and we did alot alot alot things which we should :/  we arent stead anymore , but still we do what stead does . those moments , i didnt regret it . my friend was so unhappy and disappointed with my doings ....

but after what we did , we didnt text anymore . i decided to slowly let go and not text you ........................

we had a veryveryveryveryvery long story , that i dont want to forget ):  but i had to . its been 6months since we broke , i still havent let go yet .. during the 3d2n palau ubin camp , i kept looking at you i dont know why . sometimes you looked back , but i couldnt find a reason why i love you . but i realised theres someone better than you i could love .. and i think i crushed on him . whom is your friend ... i tried convincing myself that hes a better guy to love than to make myself suffer so much for you . and cry so much .. but right now typing this long post , i teared alotalotalot .

all i wanted is , to be friends with you . i want to be like how we used to be when we first knew each other ..................  these days without you , every night i would pray that you could text me and be friends back with me again . i've been asking god to grant it but ):    i was hoping a miracle would happen , and i believed that miracles will happen . im waiting , im really waiting for it to happen . because i know , you would talk to me again . you may not , because you had other girl .............................. and would not care about me anymore . i really want to know what are you thinking in your mind , whenever you looked at me . and i want you to know whats in my mind whenever i look at you .

God, give me this chance. give us this chance to talk and be friends again .  Can ?

Palau Ubin Camp on the 12th to 14th , which is today .
It sucks to the core can ?! the food , the tent & the washroom . seriously CMI .

First day ,
Reached schl as per normal . assembled in parade square , sing national anthem blabla . Our trainers came , and we headed off! On the way there, our trainers introduced themselves , then we cheered blabla. We had trainer Bavi & trainer Mudd ^^ hehe they are kinda fun . took bus to changi ferry terminal , reached , immediately went down to the departure hall to take the ferry . 10person on one , luckily was with my 3 friendds (:  10minutes ride there i think ? reached Palau ubin , waited for the rest to come then headed to take the van to our campsite . was feeling kind of excited . When we reached the camp site , it was okay . we had 45mins to pitch our own tent . was supposed to grouped 8 to one tent . ite our group only 6 , me enbei falysha amelia serene & shimin . So we pitched up a beautiful tent (Y)^^  Clapclap to us ^^  our first activity was orienting . we had to run here and there to find our stations with the clues we had . We kept having difficulties , we found the station @ a very far place which is not rly far. LOL! but i had alotalotalot mosquitoe bites. FUCKUP seriously . Then had lightning alert , went in a shelter and played some games . Trainer Mudd suggesting playing dontknow what game splash & bang ? haha . it was fun though . after theres no lightning alert , went back to our game . alrights, its seriously boring . but , lesson learnt. Teamwork is important ! alright , then 430 assembled back to base . talktalktalk , field cooking for dinner SUCKS (N) -.-  2packets of maggie shared among 7 people . with 4hotdogs , 2eggs , and sardine . Ate only abit ):  joshua fed me his grp so called " fried rice" it isnt that nice, but hes so sweeeeet . hehe . after that , had night walk ^^ AWESOME was actually loooking forward to it . then well , it turns out to be sucky . HAHA what a joke manz . didnt saw anything when i was expecting to see something .... HAHA . hold enbei & amelia hands , cuz seriously cant see anything in the dark night . walked in the jungle anyway . otw back , talked to stanley . HAHA kept hitting his stomach . MUSCLE(Y) lol . not kidding. he does work out , thats what he tell me . Stanley v good wor(Y) lend me his jacket cuz idw mosquito bite ):  then tell me when im hot just take it off . hehe . went back to base, rushed to bathe . tell us 6ppl share a pail of water ite no have . LUCKY SIAL . after bathed , felt refresh (Y) . debriefed & supper , then sleeping time . 10ppl to one tent , FUCKING SQUEEZY can or not ?! can suffocate lo . slept beside falysha , we listened to songs ^^ i didnt slept leh the first night ):  super cold lor . me & falysha 2+ 3+ wakeup very cold buaytahan . haha .

Second day,
RISE & SHINE . woke up @ 530am . cuz dk who put alarm that time -.- so earlyy for what sia . Accompanied falysha go shower , then 7am assembled . had breakfast , nasi lemak . First activity for the day was WATER ^^ I LUV IT .  skipped to the water rafting . hmmm the instructors briefed us on how to tie the thingy and the tyre . so we were grouped accoridng to 7 and 8 . im in grp 8 so we tied the raft tgt . when heading down to the sea , EXCITED BODOH . well , went we went on board , i was the first one who fell down into the water . but fun lah i dont mind . then serene sat in between on me & falysha . she lost her balance and fell into the water . and we were supposed to hold eachother. so , she pulled me down the water with her. went back up , and fell again ! ahhhhh seriously . serene , she havent come up jiu hold me so tight and pull me down again ._. so i felt numerous times . Trainer bavi scolded me for falling wtf . it wasnt my fault to fall down so many times anyway . but i enjoy HAHA . i pulled sufia down, she pulled me down tooo . afterwards went up and down back to the water for games .  we held each other hands in a circle , put our feets up , and sang twinkle twinkle little star . funny bodohh . afterwards played the dog & bone in water . Then ice and water (Y) .  yusof kept aiming me lo . kena freeze so many times . played in the water awhile and up ! went back to base to washup = shower :P

Had lunch then land expedition next . Walkeeed very very very far away ~  find the village head house , malay house . then we had difficulties finding the secret garden . We actually walked the wrong route , no i mean walked toooooo far . so we had to walk back ! decided to skip secret garden to the highest peak.  talking abt it , rly can faint sial . walking up was kinda hard alr . Asked trainer mudd still got how long then reach thr . he say REACHING . keep reaching reaching , walao still havent . finally reached up ,  the scenery also not so nice one . then had to go down . Scaredscared lehhhh . but still reached down safetly (:  continue walking back to our camp site , and i almost fainted halfway . when they finally stopped for a rest , i immediately dropped to the ground . CMI ALR . dizziness killing me . then mr leslie came to encourage me . his words make my heart melt ;pp  falysha and trainer bavi both carried me to a nearest shelter and waited for the van to come . HEH the van is faster than a ambulance ahhhh (Y) good service ! ^^ haha . thats what bavi told mr suhairi ? oops idk how spell . was sent to the sickbay . the nurse took my oxygen level , was normal . blood pressure next , ok too . followed by my temperature . having a fever , so he put a ice bag on my head . had cramp , he put anthr ice bag on my cramp thr . hehe service good sial (Y) i luv it . fell asleep sooooooon . nurse woke me up for dinner . went to look for falysha thy all . had my dinner , the food are supposed to be nice. but i wanted to vomit when i ate the veggie :/  threw quite alot away . enbei accompanied me to change t camptee , then headed back to sickbay to rest . while she went to practice for her campfire's performance .

hmmmmmm when the campfire is starting , went there to look for my class . sat down with enbei (:  was still feeling kind of giddy lah but i wanna watch . first performance was our grpp !!  their performance make me laugh out loud (Y) . it goes something liddat , " do you know who we are ? Who? it goes , ' quack quack quack quack quack ~~ ' " , funny die sia .  Called joshua to come sit w me cuz i want sit w him lehh ;p watched the whole campfire performance . ended , went back to debrief again plus supper . i didnt eat though i was very hungry . slept in the sickbay , i felt guilty towardds my friends sleeping in the tent ):   nicole came too , she was sick . having backbone problem i think . i slept sweeeeetlyy hehe .

Third day,
morning, woken up by the noises outside . went brushteeth then back to sickbay . had lunch thr too . thanks alvin for helping me take ^^ he was having fever too . slept until we were leaving palau ubin . took van to ferry terminal , ferry back . When at the arrival hall , had to put our bags thr for scanning . Bused back , long journey ~  reached back to schl , sat at parade square do our booklets.  sat thr sun tanning lo -.-  then moved to ish , waited for 3/1 to come back . did cheers leading by the leaders . then realeaseed  ^^  canteen for dinner . i ate alot . i would rather eat schl's food every single day than camp's food . well , its over now . i managed to survived through the 3d2n though fell sick . sat down chatchat , and home ^^  bathed , unpack my my bag then SLEEEEEEEP . i luv my dearest bedddd <3


Through the camp , im rly touched by my friends . when i fell sick , they kept asking if i were okay . the trainers too . all the trainers were caring (Y)  i regretted going for this camp , but i knew my classmates btr . they were fun to be with , and most of all , they were caring towards me . thanks ^^

im sorry J . i make you worry sick abt me ):

My darling bobby ^^ <3333333

school today.  school tomorrow again . then camp >:  why does time past so fast . idwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww lahhhh . GND . 

whenever i saw you , or met you , my heart skips a beat . i would pretend that i didnt know you , and everything did not happen . and you would pretend you didnt know me too , and turned ard . we're always doing this, aint we tired?  i dont know why i want to do this , but actually i didnt want to . sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh )': 

suddenly all those nightmares came back again >:  

Yay its the 9th again ^^  i luv luv luv nine .

Church today for registration w lesby . Then headed to jp , walked ard :)  Met jluvz09 at ard 12++ .  Je Library , t read my ss . Borrowed books , head t IMM next . Comis connection t get our stuffs ~  afterwards back t jp . got our stuffs and home ^^ met jluvz09 again t makan dinner downstairs . Met jiaying concidence ^^ so went jp w her since shes going too . and im going t meet uncle to get my jersey . Accompanied jiaying to get her stuffs and headed home :)

Its the second week of schl tomorrow . I hope it turns out well hur ? i rly hate the timings . recess 1hr ltr . stomach always go kgfdsxcvbnk . i dont loike >:  well no choice upper sec ler . And release late too >:  my friends frm other schl all release early one. UNFAIR ! lol .

Shall go & prepare for tmrw's stuff . & call enbei chatchat !! ^^

Monday , its the last day of schl holiday . went over to johor w sanyi . It was such an UNLUCKY day )':  ohfuckthatdaymanz. Went t fetch cousin back de ^^ so when we reached thr , went for lunch .. then headed t relatives house . at night went for dinner before heading back to sg . after dinner , our car was robber ):  FUCK THAT THEIF LAH HOR . he stoled my whole bag which contains my handphone wallet & housekeys . all my valuebles lo . ohmyfuck T.T I cried ... like .............. the theif broke the glass i was damn shocked when i saw the broken glasses . its rly rly rly an unforgettable day ....

Tuesday was the first day of sec3 ^^  new class , new teachers , new classmates . I felt so weird seriously . Wednesday & thursday was the same , lessons blabla ~

Today , had training after schl ^^ met sandra at bio lab then went to change . Theres cca open house today , the sec 1s came so we had to give out flyers ... we kept shouting " JOIN VOLLEYBALL " .  HAHA LOL . slacked all the way throughout until ard 6pm ended . Walked home w lover ^^


Currently using temporaily prepaid number . My money all flyflyfly ~~ becuz of the prepard plus i top up . not enough lo the money T.T  daddy coming back today . i hope tmr can go take my new sim carddddddd . and i hope hope hope daddy could buy a new phone for me ;ppp hehe shall not expect much . ):

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUNGMIN ^^

Saengil Chukha Hamnida !

 25years old alr . 老了 >:  HAHA